So you know how I was way overwhelmed before introducing the dissertation effort back in?
Yeah I am totally freaking out again. What the fuck was I thinking. Can I just fucking stabilize myself first before adding shit back on. Can I for once not constantly have too much on my shoulders. Now I'm getting the nasty little ideations again. Picturing the terrible things I could do to myself to stop this constant exhausted anxiety.
Okay I'm just going to admit it. I'm not capable of handling this stress.
I'm not.
Okay?
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5 comments:
Of course it's okay!!!
I constantly beat myself up for not being...something more. For not doing more, for not accomplishing more.
But I am finally learning to accept myself for who I am, for honoring what it is that I do now.
Oh yeah, corny. But honestly, it makes for so much more peace and contentment.
What in the world good does it do to MAKE OURSELVES CRAZY?
None.
Don't make yourself crazy. Be sweet to yourself. Be sweet.
There's really never a good time to write a dissertation - the sun and the moon and the stars never line up properly, if they do, then it snows or someone sneezes or there's a war, or it's Thanksgiving. There are lots of reasons to not do it; only you can find a reason TO do it. (If you want to.)
There are many, MANY things I cannot do. And oddly, it's admitting that I cannot do those things that make me feel the worst.
I'm in constant panic mode now and I DON'T have a full time job or a sick husband and everything else on top of my dissertation...I think you're amazing just for being able to think about yours :)
that's totally totally OK! Damn that dissertation! Wish that thing could just poof away :) I sure couldn't handle working on one!!!!!!!
Love you.
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