This little light of mine

Twenty days since I last posted.

Been out deep surfing the big waves, so to speak. Which leaves me triumphant tho tattered. Because I can ride the waves. Because the people at work feel bad for me, when I do not. Because they cannot see the lights that I see. The vision tinged with electricity of hope, of seeing potential within the world in heavenly sparks that mere mortals cannot see.

And of course you realize losing your mind is quite interesting. I can see myself from a third person stance and find the patterns quite interesting. The building tension. The emotional charges. The rumble. The crumble. The instability I descend to before regaining my footing. Coming out of it. Finding the light again that keeps me moving upward and onward no matter.

I wonder sometimes shouldn't they envy me, instead of feeling sorry. Wouldn't they be jealous if the knew what they are missing. Or am I deceiving myself? Would life be full of unimaginable happiness were it not for my specific life trials? Perhaps I simply do not know what I'm missing.

But they do not seem happier. Indeed they are ruffled easier, many of them.

But I digress. Life is hard, yet blissful. Desperate yet lovely. Not full so much of life but full of love. A warm love that warms the home. That softens the air and makes colors soft. That makes the world okay even when it isn't. And that makes me fulfilled in a way indescribable. Though the winds may blow. Tho the winds may blow and blow.

Hope your holiday time was full of love. And hope your new year has even more.